My Blog

<– Here is a picture of the Jeub Family, one of the series of families in TLC’s "Children by the Dozen" programs.  If you can’t read the inscription it says, "Children are a heritage from the Lord."  And the website reads:

Sons are a heritage from the Lord,
Children a reward from him.
Like arrows in the hands of a warrior
Are sons born in one’s youth.

Blessed is the man
Whose quiver is full of them.
They will not be put to shame
When they contend with their enemies in the gate.

-Psalm 127:3-5

Um, yea…about that.  I didn’t see this particular episode, but I did watch the Heppners one last night.  The Heppners, a god-fearing people from Minnesota, have 16 children.  They have Biblical names like Abraham, Micah, Moses, Jebidiah…whatever, you name it.  They look like a blonde army of drones…I’m not kidding, it’s creepy.

Throughout the show, the Heppners described their difficulties paying for their kids crap- you know, they had to shoot their own deer, get clothes from good will, rely on donations from others…whatever…so that the parents could keep pumping out children like a f-ing tennis ball machine.

I ask…why?  Why is it necessary for one family to burden the rest of society with your stinking kids?  If you can’t afford children…umm…don’t have them.  Seriously- it takes more than love to raise a kid…it takes a little green too, you know.

And why is it sooo necessary that every bloody sperm or egg in the world be given the chance to procreate?  If that were the case we’d have run out of natural resources tens of thousands of years ago.  I know that some of my psycho-Catholic relatives might disagree with me on this one…but single gametes were meant to be disposable, sorry. 

And, no, I don’t think an overcrowded Bible-beating society is exactly a gift from god.  From the website: "Without God’s conviction in our life we would likely have stopped with four children."

What?  I don’t think God, if there is a God, really gives a damn if you pump out like zero babies or more than that. 

They have a lovely family…but stay away from my uterus, freaks.

So Hot 99.5 sux now…honestly some terrible ish.  It’s hosted by this conservative, boring fat-fatty fuck-face named Kane.  Not only does the show suck, but he sucks soooo hardcore.  He has this mental-looking intern named Slater Samy, who is equally as ugly:

<– Mental

They also have this other slut intern, I think her name is Nelly:

She has an ex that owned an escort service and also once dated a…eww…..52-year-old man. 

Why do I hate this show so much?  Well it could be the "War of the Roses" episodes (Kane tries to get cheating lovers to send roses to another girl while the girlfriend is on the line quietly listening…very painful to listen to) or it could be this a-holes conservatism and mockery that bothers me.  I really don’t know but I want my Kris Gamble and Mark Kaye back.  My mornings are absysmal now.  Oh, and they repeat their broadcasts, which is awful.  They can’t get enough material to cover like 4 hours or whatever?  So fucking lame.

Anyway, Kane is a twat.  Gimme a new morning show.  He sucks.

<– this mutant (Darwin "Mischa" Reedy)  thought she had what it takes to be the next American Idol.  Oh, and she and her mother (can’t tell the difference besides her mom’s elvira-like hair) co-authored a novella based on American Idol.  I’m sure it will be the next bestseller.  Her My Space, not surprisingly, is Poet of the Dark

<— Zitzmann.  Computer scientist (clearly, his tagline is "Greetings, Earthlings") and butcher of "Unchained Melodies."  Hilarious that his co-workers encouraged him to sign up for the show without hearing him sing.  The bug-eyed and crocked-tooth ignorance of this guy was enough to having me holding my stomach in laughter for all 2 minutes of that absymal song.  If you’d like hear a clip of his intrumental music, check out his My Space.

<– Jennifer Chapman.  Also known as "the hotness."  Self-esteem has never been a problem for this diva.  And, don’t offend her.  Her famous retort to Simon, "you don’t know NOTHING bout music!!"  Oh, and she’s licensed to drive a bus??  And her weight is listed as 120 lbs, but I’m sure she means only in the chest.

Her profile.

<– Blake Lewis.  Bee-bopper extrodinaire and man-diva.  I’m certain he has other hobbies, including photography (as evidenced by this photo).  Moody, unexpected and proud.

Profile.

<– Shymali.  One part of the bro-sis singing duo.  She’s 19 and back up because she’s "in a relationship."  Only 8 comments on her site.

Site.

Sanjaya is the other part of the duo.  His deep thought?  What would men do with a vagina for the day?  (You know I’ve wondered that myself??)

I have to find that Cowardly Lion girl…seriously hilarious.  In the meantime, enjoy.

…Alas, is Justin Timberlake.  Let me disclaim that statement by saying that I didn’t think he was hot shit until I saw Alpha Dog.  Fuck me, I think I’m turning into Britney Spears (you know how she likes thugged-out white-boy bros?….oh gawd…)

Anyway, JT was looking tasty-fine at the Golden Globes last night, as evidenced here:

And here are some Alpha Dog pix, which I seriously can’t get enough of:

(I’m pretty sure the cross tat is real)

<– I keep this one in my "personal" file.

Sorry, **Jake** but I think I’ve moved on. 

Granted, he looked like an absolute ‘tard back when he was a member of N’sync, but aren’t we all allowed a few ugly years?

(Ekk, heavens no).

He’s so bad-ass but has that gooey-sweet interior….rar, hot.

Real-life mom Susan Markowitz and actor Anton Yelchin, who plays her son Nick in the movie Alpha Dog.

I just saw Alpha Dog…that movie was so insane and intense…and then as I’m walking out of the movie I overhear someone say it’s based on a true story!

Here is a link to the real story behind Alpha Dog

To summarize: the scene is Calabasas area in 2000.  A bunch of bored twenty-something with wealthy parents get into some trouble peddling drugs.  The leader of the gang is Johnny Truelove (real-life name is Jesse James Hollywood).  Truelove has some of his friends from childhood sell drugs for him…and that’s where the trouble begins.

Jake Mazursky in the movie (real name Ben Markowitz) owes Truelove $1200 in outstanding drug debt.  He can’t make the payment because he has a low-end job at a telemarketing firm and is basically a loser.  He asks his dad and stepmom for the money and even though they’re wealthy they are sick of bailing him out.

So Jake doesn’t pay up.  Jake’s 15-year-old little brother Zach (real name Nick Markowitz) is getting into some trouble….his parents caught him with pot and he runs away from home one night to avoid a messy confrontation.

Zach was walking along the sunny summer California highway when Truelove and his crew spot him.  Truelove pulls over to the side of the road and his gang jump out to beat him up and abduct him.  The idea was to keep Zach as kind of collateral for Jake paying off his outstanding debt.

What occurs in the next two days is insane…Truelove’s crew basically keep Zach stoned and happy so that he doesn’t really realize how much danger he’s in.  Dozens of people at the parties he attended knew that he was a "stolen boy" yet no one reported him.  Zach’s captors eventually become fond of him….but when Truelove consults a lawayer and realizes that the maximum sentence for kidnapping and extortion is life in jail disasterous events occur.

You have to see this movie, it’ll blow your mind.

<– Justin Timberlake as Frankie

<— My signed Matt Dallas poster.  It says, "To Adrienne!"  And I framed it.  And he is watching over my desk with those piercing blue-green eyes.  Le sigh.

Also, Jake G. is in town.  He’s staying at the Ritz Carlton in Fogg Bottom/Dupont.  I also have a laminated poster of him which will reside behind my closet door.

I love you, Matt (even though I know the feeling is probably not mutual and you are probably gay!)  Check out the You Tube video where he gets interviewed by Kathy Griffin!  I love the open-mouthed hip-swaying gayness (?) of Matt Dallas.

<—Yuck.

So I had my first experience with Ethiopian Food on Saturday and I have to say it was one of the most vile dinners of my life.  First off, I don’t know if you’re aware of this but you HAVE TO EAT WITH YOUR HANDS!  WTF, seriously. 

Anyway, the restaurant we dined in was in Adams Morgan across the street from Tryst/Saki/whatever.  The manner in which you are supposed to eat the Ethiopian food is with giant pieces of grayish-brown sour flatbread.  And you’re supposed to pick up the food off the plate like you would pick up your dog’s shit.

And eat it.

I’m not even mentioning the fact that the general decor of the restaurant was dark and water-stainy and third-world.  Just don’t do Ethiopian Food….just because something is ethnic doesn’t make it good, WASHINGTON POST!

In other news, I am happy to announce that I now know everything there is to know about celebrities.  I know what they wear, who they go out with, who they’re fucking and who they used to fuck.

My current obsession is www.celebrityfox.com but I think I was telling a few of you that I’ll soon also be writing for trashycelebs.

In my free time I’ve also been taking up After-Life studies, discovering ways to meet the various members of N’SYNC and phone harassment.

I also got a new phone and I’m in love with the ring tone (FutureSex/Love Sounds) so please call my azz…even if it’s at like 3am.

Ciao,

Adrienne

So my latest love obsession is Kyle XY.  Now before you get all accusatory and think that I’m in love with a teenager, this kid is actually 2 months younger than me.  So I think it’s destiny. 

In addition to being a hot-hottie, Matt Dallas is actually a pretty good actor.  I’ve been downloading Kyle XY’s onto my iPod like they’re candy.

So in conclusion he’s mine, bitches!  Haha, that’s creepy.  But he’s hot.  And as Cathy would say, "I’m gonna rape him."

So according to People online Britney and K-Fed have named their second son Sutton Pierce. I can just imagine it now, Britney yelling at her son with her thick southern drawl, "Sutt’n….come ‘ere, Sutt’n"!

So I guess there’s a new SPF in town, sorry Sean Preston. Sutton Pierce, or as I like to call him SPF 2. Good luck, little guy! You’re going to need it.

In other celeb newz, La Lohan wished her mother a very happy birthday this weekend, telling Dina La Lohan to "go to hell" at her birthday celebration at a Chinese restaurant on Manhattan’s Upper East Side. Also, Dina is 60? What?! Can I please do as much hard partying as her at age 60? Jesus Christ, ok.

But, seriously revenge is a bitch. The very next day after the accident Lindsay slipped and busted her wrist in two places. Also, I found this blind item amusing:

WHICH young actress is jealous of a leading lady of the same tender age who is getting better parts? (They also both had sex with Jared Leto.) While visiting a friend’s house, the jealous actress spotted a DVD of a movie starring her rival, ripped open the box, threw the disk on the floor and stomped on it …

Ok, this entry is clearly about La Lohan and Scar-whore Jo-ho-ssen, but it still cracks me up. I hate that bitch-whore Scarlett for personal reasons, but this still seems a little childish, don’t you think?

PS- The Black Dahlia sucked.